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(no subject) [Apr. 23rd, 2005|09:11 pm]
[Current Mood |crankycranky]

A watched kettle never boils. How true is that. Waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting for something, then the moment you forget about waiting or thinking about it.. there it is. Why is that I wonder. Why the fuck doesn't it everrr happen when you are watching it. Blah.

I hate waiting. I am a very unpatient person, when im ready the fucking world should be ready god dammitall.
and yet im always early.. i should be late more often because then I dont have to wait right? And yet, i hateeee being late would definately rather be early than late. Depends on the sitution though, most of the time I can afford to be late but I just never really am. Other than school of course.. ahaha. yeaah. but that's just because i love sleep more than I hate being late.

mmm sleep. With sleep you can escape the world. It's kinda like my drug. Everything goes away well for me, because I dont really dream that much. It does get me just before i fall asleep, and sometimes I cant get to sleep beccause i have to much shit on my mind. But then I just do math problems or get my mom to talk to me, and BOOM im asleep.

mm sleep.

well I think that's enough crazy rambling for me today.

yeah.. have fun with that.
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(no subject) [Apr. 20th, 2005|10:02 pm]
colours yes no maybe so?
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(no subject) [Apr. 17th, 2005|10:11 pm]
God damn its quiet here. Ah here I sit again, in my super comfortable bed. Definately one thing I missed.

Feels like I never really left. Everything here is the same. Maybe if it changed a bit I would feel that time passed more so. But nope same old same old. lol, aye keep on thinking im going deaf, there's no background noise. hard to believe the people I lived with for 8 months i'll prolly never see again. A chapter of my life, kaputy. already. and now im back to where I was, a year ago. damn a lot has happend in a year. and yet it went by so fast.

lots of memories.
oh man.

I really need to get a job.
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goodbye [Apr. 10th, 2005|04:55 pm]
Leaving. When people that I know leave my life, I get sad. Im not talking about the people that are involved in my everyday life, but people I may see off an on, or think about once in a while. But for the most part, I wonder why? Sure I may never see them again, (depending on what type of leaving they are doing, dieing, moving etc). But were they really that much a part of my life in the first place. Does it matter if i dont see them everyday?, no not really. If you are confused, I shall give you an example.. my housemates, sure I may talk to them once in a while, but now that we are all moving and going our seperate ways and may never see each other again. Leaving them, am i really that sad? no, do i feel a sense of loss, not exactely. What do i feel, im not sure. I think about the good times we had, the late night kitchen conversations and the heated house meetings. In situations like this, i hate saying goodbye, because am i supposed to suddenly act as if im really going to miss them? they look at me like they expect a hug. but we weren't really buddy buddy in the first place.. why a hug?? And there's not much to say either, other than goodbye.. hope to see you again sometime is really the only thing I can think of.

And then there is the loss of family members through death.. your supposed to cry and be sad, but the truth is.. they arent apart of your life anymore.. and not having them is really no deal. Sure if you ever wanted to talk to them you couldn't have.. but really you had that choice before.. and you chose not to. Being sad just because your supposed to feel sad, is what it is really.

sounds kind of cold now that I read it over, but really why do we miss people, why do we grieve over people? not because we feel bad for them, (the.. oh he had so much to live for bullshit) its because we are goign to miss them, we needed them in our life, a piece of our life is missing. very selfish really.
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Today [Apr. 7th, 2005|12:11 am]
[Current Mood |moodymoody]
[Current Music |Little Sister - Queens of the Stone Age]

wow! Christina (if your read this) that song, little sister, I actually like it!! I actually like one of your songs!! ahhhhhh NOTHING MAKES SENSE ANYMORE!!

Strange how, you can really really like a song, but then sometimes you play it, and it's just really annoying, if you arent in the right type of mood. Goes to show how much music can play or effect your emotions. Like if im in a happyish mood I can't listen to hard metal rockish things because it irritates me, but if im pissed off.. im like yeahh motherfuuuckkerrr rooccck on fuck the world. etc etc. interesting. im in a hard rock mood, and im not sure why.

stress. slowly but surely im getting stuff done. breathe.. at least nothing to bad has happend to me yet.. like all my files deleating. *knocks on wood* Next year however, im so getting a 1gb usb thing. 256 isn't much.
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owie. [Mar. 31st, 2005|12:35 am]
I sit here, eyeballs googling. Ive been on this computer doing work since 7:30, it is now 12:30. The only time I got up was to go pee or get a drink of water. Wow. I did finish one project though, and got a bit done for another one. Ah I feel so beautifully productive. I can't wait till everythings finished. aye. I have a feeling if I were to try to hold an actual conversation.. it would be just nonsense babble. sleep is prolly good right about now.

Warm weather commee hither.. I want to wear a t-shirt!
ahahah did you know keanu reeves did shakespeare.. lol.. uhmmm thou arst thy coolest duuude.
lol..hes the one in the matrix.."that guy looks like the guy in the matrix.." "noo he doesn't"..."he IS the guy in the matrix" remember babe, myyy journal entries are youuur journal entries!
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Guh. [Mar. 24th, 2005|04:14 am]
[Current Mood |frustratedfrustrated]
[Current Music |Fresh Feeling - Eels]

4:14 in the morning it appears to be and I am here. typing, and occasionaly hitting my head on my keyboard in the hopes of knocking myself out. Insomnia sucks great big nasty ass stinky diseased clumpy haired monkey balls. with scabs.. and crabs.

anyways, why I dont update that much anymore. I dunno dont have much to whine about I guess. Well I do, but my cure is just to ignore them and do something else. Or just find someone who listens.

Its time for a change of things, as much as I dont want to go home this summer. I'm kinda looking forward to it, just for a change of things. The routine is getting old, dont get me wrong I love a routine, but only for so long. My attention span isnt forever. Its usually around this time where I get a bit antsy. I want to do something else, I dont know what, just know i need to GO somewhere, and it just can't be for like a week, it has to be longer. A change of routine, is what I need. yep. and now i wait.

weather is yucky. be warm already dammital.

VolteFace : don't you hate it when you shit on the floor, and you can hear it fall but you have no idea where it actually landed, and spend like 5 minutes looking for it
peng: ...
peng: what?
VolteFace: oh shit
VolteFace: don't you hate it when you DROP shit

ah ha bash.org.. my light force when i am consumed by darkenss.

hokay... lets see how sleep goes this time around.
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LIVE BREAKING NEWS. omgGAwsH.. DUde an EntRy! [Feb. 11th, 2005|11:55 pm]
Behold my friends. A rare sighting. A update! A few of you might want to reset your pacemaker.

Anyway so ya lol i did in fact not die. wait. o0ooooo thiiisss is a ghosssttt of steeephanniiieee *fails arms around* youuu will send me moneeeyy lots of monnneeyy otherwise i will haunnntt your internetttttt.. and stuff.

My dreams have been worrying me.
The other night I had this scary dream. Now I can't remember exactely what happend but it was scary and there was flashes of scary images kinda thing. Almost like take every scary movie you know.. and take all the parts or images that scared you and put them together in a continuously playing movie. that was my dream. when i woke up i hid under my covers until i realized it was just a dream. I hate that.. the moment when you wake up but you still believe what happend in your dream was real. What I want to be able to do is when Im dreaming.. realize that Im dreaming like Joe. I think that's awesome, the fun one could have.

ah ha maybe I'm just scared of summer. I'd so rather stay at school all year. Next year I think i'll stay in t dot and get a job there. Alina you can help me find something!! School is going to go by so fast.. I mean it's almost the end of my first year.. I only have two left. that sucks. it's too much fun.
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(no subject) [Jan. 20th, 2005|12:29 am]
ew. nooo more snow! nooo more snow! I get the feeling that in general most people do not like the snow. For example after watching the slush from everyone's boots run up and down the middle of the streetcar each time the streetcar stopped and started for about 10 minutes I decided to look outside. There I saw a man dragging his little shivering weiner dog, then a guy running with a guitar totally fall flat on his face. Was funny though he did the whole spread eagle thing. I half expected a big cartoon bubble like on the oldschool batman to proclaim " SPLAT". and the list of people being victums to the weather went on.

all in all... winter sucks now! shhooo already.

well after this weekends trip to blue.

im going to die.
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babble.. just babble. [Jan. 13th, 2005|07:18 pm]
[Current Mood |lazylazy]
[Current Music |Maroon 5 CD]

Weee. It was beautiful weather today. Nice and warm. After a while winter doesn't seem so bad (to me anyways) then all of a sudden you get a preview of spring, and you remember how much better spring is, then you spend the rest of the yucky winter waiting for the first glorius day of spring. If we didn't have that teaser it woudn't be so bad when the weather goes back to being it's icky self.

anyways getting back on the homework track is hard. Just today I smelt rubber cement for the first time in a long time. (well it seemsss like really long ohkay?) and I was like... oh yeah school.. homework.. haven't been doing much of that lately. Funny how much lack of homework I have now, and how I can't manage to get it done on time, but yet during the last couple of weeks in december I was doing homework non stop and managed to get everything done without a too major of a breakdown.

lol now should i get back on track and start that homework... or should I go watch the OC while eating kraft dinner?


jellybean for you if you can guess what i diiid.
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